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Julia Gorin

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Ralph Peters
To Be Released
July 25
Pre-order Here

Wars of Blood and Faith
Ralph Peters

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Conservatives Are From Mars, Liberals Are From San Francisco
by Burt Prelutsky
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America Alone
by Mark Steyn
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	HURLEY

Is Obesity a SPORT?
by Patrick Hurley [scriptwriter] 7/6/07

Holidays seem to bring out the worst in all of us.

The International Federation of Competitive Eating (also slangily known as, “The Universal Example of Poor Taste.”) holds its annual Nathan’s hot dog eating championship on the Fourth of July at Coney Island. For some incomprehensible reason, ESPN sees fit (excuse the pun) to televise this pathetic culinary display of child endangerment. Overeating is as much a sport as the National Spelling Bee, but somehow the executives at ESPN have seemingly held on to their stash of doobies from the 60’s and somewhere in a production meeting after apparently toking several hundred of them, they come up with programming concepts that remotely resemble a sport because it involves: A. screaming fans, B. a timer, or C. both; which leads them to believe that the competition is comparable to an “athletic” contest.

In this particular, uh, “event,” it featured several people who can eat the most hot dogs and buns in a twelve minute span. The winner set a “world’s record” of 66 hot dogs. The losers get to barf off (hopefully!) camera. I shudder to think of all the young people who have trouble saying no to food watching these morons being egged on, (excuse the pun) by fanatical supporters as they re-enact, “Jackass: The Weiner god!” Gee, can’t you just imagine little Johnny sitting with his friends and exclaiming, “Hey! WE could do that!” as they rush into the kitchen and begin piling up frankfurters and buns frenetically on the counter. Please God, let them have a mom nearby. It is bad enough for children to think this is proper behavior but adults…?

So, let’s examine three particular adults in question. The most irresponsible one is a representative of the IFCE. His name is Rich Shea. I wonder how his family feels about him going to work with a straight face every morning. There have been people like Louis Pasteur and Mother Theresa. Then there are individuals like Rich Shea. Some make the world safer from bacteria or illness. Rich makes it more dangerous in the area of nutrition and health care. What do you want to be when you grow up, Richie? “I want to be part of a movement that makes people overeat in a short amount of time so they can THROW UP!” Noble.

The other two men, and I use the word loosely here, (is this where the term, “men are PIGS!” originated?) are the main combatants in this, “Mouth-stuffing gladiator to the death contest.” One is from Japan. His name is Takeru Kobayashi. He is known as the “Japanese Eating Machine.” The other fine representative of common sense is Joey Chestnut who was so excited about beating the JEM he proudly announced into the camera, “The title’s been held by Kobayashi for six years so its about time it came home!” As he said this, he held an American flag in his arms. Heroic names rolled through my mind…Charles Lindbergh…John Glenn… the 1980 Olympic Men’s Hockey Team…Joey Chestnut…

Is the world turning into a cartoon or am I imagining things? Are we forsaking greatness for…THIS? Has our legacy as a nation and a society been turned into an exhibition of superficiality so distasteful that the American Eagle would be better replaced by Wile E. Coyote? What is happening to us? We have been Paris Hiltonized into believing that American Idol is a true example of musical talent, “Desperate Housewives” is a the paragon of family life and, “Deal or No Deal!” is the key to sound financial planning. I think the volleyball in, “Castaway” had more character and depth than most of our newsmakers today.

copyright 2007 Patrick Hurley

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