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 The
Happiest Place In The Middle East
The REAL truth of why we invaded Iraq...
[by
Patrick Hurley] 3/28/06
In
December, 2001, representatives of a famous entertainment complex
met
with President Bush to boost our country’s morale following
the attacks of 9/11. The head of the consortium, to remain
nameless here, stated unequivocally, “Americans are sad.
They need to laugh again. They need something to bring them
back to their childhood so they can forget about the horrible
tragedy three months ago. Just like the happy music of the
Beatles who brought America to life after the JFK assassination
and the Yankees first World Series victory after 13 years of
frustration in 1977 which helped all of us cope with the ahem,
accidental death of Elvis Presley, we want to suggest a diversion
that will make our nation look forward to tomorrow.”
President
George W. Bush in that epic historical moment asked the most
important question of his Presidency, “What in the hell
are you talking about?”
Contributor
Patrick Hurley
Patrick Hurley is an independent conservative thinker living
in Orange County, California. He has addressed over six million
people in 47 states nationwide and won three Emmy awards for
television comedy.[go
to Hurley index]
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The spokesman
did not hesitate, “We need
a Disney theme park in Baghdad. Will you help us prepare the
way to make American
smile again?”
The President
narrowed his eyes and paused for several seconds before he
spoke, “Gentlemen, do you realize what you are
asking me to do here? The only way for us to make this idea a
reality is to take out Saddam Hussein and install a democratic
government in Iraq. That’s a tall order for any national
leader…”
“Mr. President,” was the comeback, “A Dream
is a Wish your Heart makes! Didn’t we all love Cinderella,
Snow White, Sleeping Beauty, Old Yeller…”
“Old Yeller? Didn’t he get blasted…”
“Excuse me, Mr. President, poor example. I meant the
other dog…Goofy!”
“Goofy is not a dog, he is a…I’m not completely
sure WHAT animal he is!” retorted the President.
“When you wish upon a star...” The entire delegation
began singing, “It makes no difference who you are!”
Somberly,
President Bush stood up from his desk and looked out the window.
What he said next could determine
the course
of this country over the next ten years, “Hmm…I wonder
why my roses out there are not as big as the ones in Cheney’s
garden…”
History would have to wait a few more seconds.
Finally,
our nation’s leader turned and smiled and articulately
responded with his answer to whether or not our country would
go to war and not only dethrone a dictator, but change the entire
political makeup of the Middle East. His response would go down
in history as surely as FDR’s, “A date that will
live in infamy,” and, Nixon’s, “Well, call
the FBI and make this damn thing go away!” as he uttered
the phrase that sent Army recruiters scattering to sign up enlistees
and hundreds of thousands of cans of Spam to be shipped from
their WW II underground reserves to Iraq…”Bibbidi-Bobbidi-Boo!”
The President
of the United States had just said yes to Muslim Disney. A
theme park replete with regional and
cultural attractions
such as, “Pirates of the Taliban,” “It’s
a Small, Small Gaza Strip,” “A few moments with the
prophet Mohammed,” “Tehran’s Temple of Doom,” “Saddam’s
Toon Town” and, “Mr. Bin Laden’s Wild Ride!”
One small problem remained, however.
“What do I tell the American people? How do I explain
to them that we are invading Iraq to build an AMUSEMENT PARK?” moaned
the President.
“No
problem, Mr. President, just explain to them that Saddam Hussein
is a very bad man who wants to
be the next terrorist
in the United States except this time our Wal-Marts and NASCAR
races will be the targets of his deadly nerve gas which he has
stockpiled in the hopes of killing millions here in this country.
Tell them we have to go in to Baghdad to find these chemicals
before Dale Earnhart Jr. is evaporated someday at Daytona.”
“But, I don’t
know for sure if there are weapons of mass destruction. I will
have to check with
my people at the
CIA. They are really smart. If anyone would know, they sure would!”
“I
am certain they can come up with something, Mr. President,
especially if you offer them a LIFETIME pass
to all the Disney
Theme Parks worldwide!”
The President
beamed, “Can I have one
of those passes, too?”
“Absolutely!” responded the leader of the Disney
delegation, “We will even get one for Laura, Tony Blair,
Donald Rumsfeld and Vice-President Cheney.”
“Boy, that’s great! Dick loves that shooting gallery
in Frontier Land…”
The men
shook hands and in March, 2002, plans were in motion for the
spiritual and social renewal of America’s mental
state. Saddam Hussein was quickly deposed, a new government was
in place and soon you will see a huge garden of flowers ringing
the capital of Iraq with the notation, “The Happiest Place
in the Mideast.”
And, that…is
the real story behind our invasion into Iraq.
Bibbidy-Bobbidy-Boo.-ONE-
copyright
2006 Patrick Hurley
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