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The Secret of Their
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Wars of Blood and Faith
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Conservatives Are From Mars, Liberals Are From San Francisco
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FROM THE PHONE BOOTH: The Smallest Space in  Hollywood

	FINEFROCK

The Big Pot Calling
The Little Kettle Barack
by Steve Finefrock - Hollywood Forum [scriptwriter] 2/14/08

All hat and no cattle!

Did she think that applied only to Barack Hussein Obama?  How could Hillary Rodham Clinton think that little Texas catchphrase would lie there and never be taken up elsewhere?
 
So the crowd cheered in Texas, formerly Tejas as the hardcore lefty Hispanic ‘reconquista’ crowd would prefer – and to which Hillary doubtlessly has secretly reassured that they are her kinda voters – and she thought she’d put the rhetorical spear into Obama’s political heart.
 
Here’s an Electoral Truth, to be so gleefully exploited by McCain and the RNC, soon if not already in the making: THEY’RE BOTH CATTLE-FREE ZONES.  Not a steer or milk cow between them.  Hillary’s ‘experience’ is faintly greater than Obama’s but that’s damning with faint praise if ever the term applied.

I envision a simple campaign commercial, readied before the DNC choice is locked, so we’re not accused of either racism or misogyny, the ad begins in the:
 
OVAL OFFICE abuzz with staff moving about, and its French door windows are the center of attention, the THUMP-THUMP of chopper blades, as the camera ZOOMS to tight view thru a window pane. The arriving MARINE ONE helicopter slowly approaches outside, blades slowing every half-second, the voice saying: “Prepared on Day One?   
 
Chopper settles, the door opens, a Marine Guard bounds down to salute beside the unfolding staircase, as voice adds: “Who can handle the sudden crisis which forces the President’s return in Marine One? Who can step into the Oval, command respect in the Situation Room?”
 
From the shadow of Marine One’s interior, a simmering shape: “Might it be her?” And the face seems to be HRC, then morphs as voice adds “Or him?” and it seems to be B.O., but then the voice “LAUGHS” – and adds “Surely neither of them, that’s not funny at all.”


The B.O. image fades into darkness – we await as the blades slowly turn to a stop, their shadows passing once more across the awaiting open doorway. FLASHES of cameras give a glimpse of the President about to emerge:
 
McCain’’s wizened face appears, no smile, carefully struggling his stiff frame down the stairs as voice adds: “That’s much better. These are difficult times. Marine One requires a president who’s not an intern, who’s seen battle, whose scars were earned somewhere other than a law office.”

Does that sound like a workable vision?  Hillary no more knows how to raise cattle, to nurture them, or breed them, or doctor their needs than she could repair the engines on Marine One or even fix the plumbing on Air Force One.  Nor Obama.  Their experience together doesn’t add up to that of Dan Quayle when he became VP, much less qualified to exercise crisis-rich judgment on Day One.


We need a whole slew of TV ads, our belated answers to the famous 1964 “Daisy ad” – only run ‘em often, in every venue, with wide variety of reminders that “These are the stakes” as LBJ’s voice intoned in that famous bit of dirty trickery. Indeed, remake that very Daisy ad, tweaked to show our viewpoint, and see if today’s pundits find it “unfair” in this day and time, four decades after they adored the original LBJ version.
 
One thing both B.O. and HRC can claim great experience at doing is taking credit for other cattle, for milking the product of other peoples’ hard work, taxing and spending and regulating and litigating until the cows come home exhausted, and near death.  Neither one even knows how to wear a Stetson, or even pull on a pair of dung-laden boots.  But she and B.O. sure do know how to tightly grip that cow’s teat and yank hard, to extract milk from that udder and get the nourishment from cattle raised by real cowboys in real hats and chaps and boots and leathery hands.
 
Both of them are Leaners, not Lifters – they take the product of real cowboys’ hard work.  Not a single new element of wealth has been added to our economy by either of them – not a single cow or steer added to the herd.  But, oh can they harvest the product of others’ hard work. Grab that teat and pull hard – suck the essence out of every cow in every herd of every township and zip code in America.
 
It won’t make a difference in the choice of the DNC, as to the danger to Marine One should that DNC selection prevail in November.  The faces, and feces of their philosophy, are interchangeable.  Neither one can command the respect of that Marine guard beside Marine One, save for the implicit respect with the office. John McCain this very day deserves that Marine’s salute – HRC and BO have never saluted in uniform, and HRC was part of a White House cabal that was at best indifferent to military professionals while earning her “experience” in the Billary two-for-one administration.
 
Neither has introduced any military expansion legislation as senators, nor Hillary a backer of keeping our military strength up during hubby’s military slashing, even as he exhausted U.S.A.F. resources for his worldwide whirlwind travels, making gargantuan carbon footprints with military planes filled with political hacks.
 
Think of the contrast every time the news puts Marine One on the home tube – who best should be exiting that craft when a national emergency calls the President back to the Sit Room?  Imagine the kid from Hawaii, or the feminista from Wellesley?  
 
There ain’t a steer or a milk cow between them – all the cattle are on the ranch in Arizona, that not being McCain’s actual ‘ranch’ [too few acres to be a true ranch], but his intellectual and military ranch, where cattle and milk cows are raised aplenty.  Mac wears the hat like it fits – flawed, yes, and stiff-necked and often stiffing some of us three-legged conservatives.  But to adapt Henny Youngman’s line, when asked, How’s your wife, and replied, COMPARED TO WHAT?
 
Mac has an entire millinery of military hats compared to the dearth of even a single hat between HRC and BO – even Dan Quayle had more hats, and cattle to boot, than these two philosophically cohabitating cowless clowns.  Each who imagines entitlement to a suitable place descending those stairs on Marine One, earning the genuine, heartfelt respect of a Marine’s salute.
 
HAR-HAR-HAR. ExileStreet

copyright 2008 Steve Finefrock

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